Since the student who was responsible for publishing the post about "Sharpening" did not do so, I am herewith offering the corresponding blog thread from ENGL300-1. Below is the summary; the student gave a prompt for your comments. The deadline for posting your comments is Friday, September 12th, 2008, at class time.
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“Sharpening”, the selection we had to read was from the same book we read about Engfish from, Telling Writing by Ken Marcrorie.
A lot of what Marcrorie discusses in this section expands on what he started mentioning in Engfish. Remember how Marcrorie talked about how we tried to make overly wordy sentences that didn’t really mean anything? Marcrorie discusses in this section ways to “sharpen” our sentences, or to make them sound better, and this process really will make our sentences sound less “Engfishy”.
One of the main points Marcrorie makes is using active verbs instead of passive verbs. Instead of using a lot of linking verbs like ‘is’, we should try to use action verbs that suit what we’re saying instead.
Example:
-- Reading this section is assisting us in becoming better writers. (Passive verb phrase is assisting.)
Versus
-- Reading this section improves our writing style.
Clearly, the second one sounds a lot more convincing. It also cuts down on the number of unnecessary words, which was one of the main aspects of Engfish.
The other main point that Macrorie brings up is all the use of unnecessary words and the overuse of the pronoun ‘it’. Rather than beating around the bush by saying things like ‘It seems that reading this will help me’, Macrorie argues that we should just get to the point and say ‘Reading this will help me’. By avoiding all the extra words, we sound a little more authoritative, don’t you think? We also sound a lot more convincing, or at least that’s how it seems to me, and I can’t really think of any situation where we wouldn’t want to sound convincing in our writing.
Obviously, passive verbs and ‘it’ can’t always be avoided, but we should always try to avoid them in situations where we could be using better and more colorful words!
For discussion:
What did you think about the article? Have you had any experience with writing that needs a little sharpening, or maybe have you seen instances in which you’ve used a lot of “its”, “seems”, and passive verbs yourself? (I know I’m guilty of it!) What do you think is the best way to try to avoid this? (Since these aren’t really errors, I know it’s a lot harder for me to catch myself doing it. I mean, I just used the word ‘it’ and ‘is’ in that sentence!) If you have any other thoughts, too, you can just put them here.
by Laura Treat, ENGL300-1
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15 comments:
The author, in my opinion, is simply making a case for proofreading. If one truly cares enough about his or her writing to want to become a writer of this degree, he or she will already know most of theses rules. Also, regarding the passive (sorry, this is really a personal frustration of mine): there ARE instances where the passive is appropriate. Sometimes, there's not really a better way to say it. The only time a passive is inappropriate is when you have a transitive verb and you've inverted the direct object as the subject and made the subject an ablative. Okay, personal rant over, yes "Sharpening" will cut down on wordiness. However, sometimes wordiness begets style, so "Sharpening" can honestly be looked at as a way to make everyone's writing sound the same. If words are used for the sake of taking up space, yes, Sharpening can be an effective practice. However, if there is meaning or style hidden away in the wordiness, I would rather read the wordy version. Cicero used a lot of words to say very little, but he's regarded as one of the greatest Roman writers of all time. I don't think wordiness is quite the evil it seems to be.
In response to the summary about "Sharpening" I first want to agree with what creighton has previously said. This summary really does stress the importance of proofreading. I know for a fact that when I write a paper, I write down as many ideas as I can in an unorganized fashion because I know that when I go back and proofread my work, I'll notice the numerous grammatical mistakes I've made. I'll be the first to admit, when I first write there is an awful lot of "its" and "seems." Personally, I feel as though sharpening your work is important. Direct points are critical in writing. The more you substitute words to make sentences longer, the less sure you are of your analysis of the paper or topic you are writing about. However, sometimes it is inevitable that you'll get a little wordy with writing. No one, in my opinion, is a perfect writer. There are outstanding writers, but nobody is perfect. Overall, sharpening our writing is a must. Get to the point without all the extras and your writing will certainly improve and always go back and read over your work before you publish it. Sharpening the little things is what seperates good writers from bad writers.
I, too, agree with Creighton in saying that the author is suggesting proofreading. We can cut down on "Engfishy" language by paying attention to our writing and being very self aware as we are writing. I am also guilty of using "its" and "seems" very liberally. Though I try to be careful when writing, it's hard not to get off on a tangent and lose track of your "Engfish".
I do not think I have ever really taken notice of the amount of its or seems I use in writing. I would have to say I personally use its more than seems. But to jump on the Crieghton bandwagon I too think its more about proofreading.
When writing a paper I jot down ideas from introduction to final statements and thank goodness for spell check which helps with the process but Sharpening must be used in order to make what is being written obvious and understandable. Staying on topic and focusing on what point you want to make with as few its and seems is do-able.
The author made a good point when the author spoke on proofreading the writings of others. It is important to know the rules of different forms of writing and it is vital for anyone who is interested in becoming english teachers or journalists that they know different ways of writing and why it is important. By "sharpening" someone's writing, it will make their writing look and sound better by adding fewer words than necessary.Everyone needs help in writing no matter if they have a degree or not. Some form of writing can always be written better. But if teachers and students continue to sharpen up their work, I believe that it would be a lot easier for everyone to write papers and other things.
Creighton hit the nail on the head with his comment. This article is all about proofreading, and there definitely seems to be a slant against wordiness in writing. Simplistic writing is easy to read, and simple to grade as a teacher, but where is the enjoyment in reading it? It's very easy to say "The dog ran around the house." That is a simple sentence, no mysteries as to what it could mean. But how much more engaging would that sentence be if it read "The Labrador retriever sprinted around the home with boundless energy."? Wordiness is not the problem this author perceives it to be, rather it's erroneous and redundant language that is the problem, which can be solved through proof-reading.
Even though I always try to "sharpen" or proofread my papers, I know I still use "it" and "is" more than I should. Sometimes, as the author points out, the use of these words is unavoidable. Usually, other words can be used which will make the writing more effective. I also agree that I sometimes oversharpen my papers. I believe that if one spends too much time trying to edit out unneccessary words or take out every "it" and "is" the paper starts to lose something. I know that my papers can sometimes be a little long, but I don't want to have a short paper that has been stripped of all style.
In response to the Sharpening summary I agree with what the author stated concerning wordiness and authoritative words. There are times when I have been guilty of doing those things. I believe that it is good to proofread and to let others proofread for an individual because sometimes things may not be as obvious to us as it would be to some one else.
I think the author of this article has a very valid point. I've noticed this problem in my own writing, because to many sentences with "it is" and "that is" make any piece sound repetetive. I think writing with more action verbs sounds much better. Extra words just breed confusion in writing. I think the best way to avoid this is some extra proofreading devoted to getting rid of excess words and reducing the usage of "is".
Revision is an important part of writing, and I agree that the material in this passage could mostly be summed up as revision. I think that the strategies that are presented are very effective and the focus brings effective revision that can give clearer meaning to any writer’s work. I especially loved the focus on excess words that mean nothing and are redundant (such as the word boldly in the phrase “boldly summed up courage”). Most students are aware of this overuse, but often it still comes out automatically during first-draft writing. The article points out these kinds errors in clear terms and, I think, gives further proof for that important step in writing: revision.
This article was very helpful to me as an academic writer. I often find myself writing under a great deal of pressure and I don't think about those smaller word choices. It is important to be aware of "seems", "appears", "its", etc. In -academic- writing, it is more impressive for a student to get straight to the point.
Creative writing, however, is a different animal all together (agreeing with Creighton Jackson).
Sharpening definitely sounds more like proofreading to me. It is a more bold statement then proofreading it seems to take into account many other things than proofreading, but that is the main concept. I do agree with cutting down on wordiness because it does happen to many writers where words are added just to seem like a fuller paper. Many times a writer will almost "Overeat and become to full" and there paper starts to look bloated with things that should not be there, but there ideas become small to them and they jam them full of unnecessary words.
I think that the author of Sharpening was correct in his assessment that we use too many passive verbs and pronouns. By using more active verbs, we give our sentences more meaning and can help get the point across more clearly. As college writers, we use words that make our sentences sound fancy but in reality they detract from the meaning. Pronouns are too vague, and we tend to use them when we are talking about some thing abstract. By using concrete nouns, we can more clearly outline what needs to be said.
The summary of this article was very good. I agree that there are ways we all should use to sharpen our writing skills. I know I am guilty of using "Engfish" while writing just because it seems that is what the teacher wants. However, after reading this I realize that without doing this the paper would be more authoritative and more convincing. It is very important not to lose you own voice when writing.
I find myself doing this alot, you want to sound as educated as possible to impress you profs but you usually end up overly expressing yourself. I find myself using "It seems" together a lot because you don't know if it is okay to push your view but you want to sound like you know what your talking about. I don't agree that the main focus is proofreading, but just giving other alternatives to better word your thoughts.
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